I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
