I wish my penis had an off switch
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
