i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
