Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i don't like sucking hair
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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