So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
