Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
