I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
