i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
