____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Why is there bacon in the couch?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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