She is in my trunk
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
