I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I fill condoms, not promises.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
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