Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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