under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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