I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
