I am puke
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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