I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
