There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
North Korea, Best Korea!
My cat gives me a boner
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
