bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
