I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
