It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
