You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
