Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
