32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
