so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
