Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
