My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
we made out on top of his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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