he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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