I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
