I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
