Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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