Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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