loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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