he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
