i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
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i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
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