The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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