We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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