i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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