Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
