Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
