We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
