My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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