Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
