if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
