can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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