On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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