i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
