i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.