everyone is single if you try hard enough
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sober January is a disaster.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
