But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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