Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
