smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
