im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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