There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
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He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Naked. naked and bneed help.
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He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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