I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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