I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
