week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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