Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
