I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
