You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
