There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize