I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
