this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Terrible idea I love it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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