Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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