ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
