Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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