what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
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She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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