Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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