I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
