i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
