Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You dont lie about slip and slides
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
