You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
