if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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