you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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