Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
