She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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