you would pick up someone in the library
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
