I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
