I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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