you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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