$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
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I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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