My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
